Back in October 2005 my mother suffered a nasty stroke. It left her mostly paralysed down the right hand side of her body. It also badly affected her speech and she now struggles to get her words out.

It was hard for me to see my mother go from being a bright, active and independent woman to a shadow of her former self literally overnight.

She needed full time care and being an only child I did what I felt necessary. I quit my high flying management job with Network Rail to return home and look after the person I hold most dear. You might think that it was hard for me to do that, but it wasn’t. I’m sure most people in a similar situation would have done the same.

I spent nearly two years being my mother’s full time carer. During this time I was lucky enough to meet my gorgeous wife to be, Jen. Meeting her allowed me to make a big U-turn in my career. I was educated as a software developer, but I somehow ended up working as a railway manager. Trains and computers? That makes me sound like some kind of ultra-geek. Anyway, meeting Jen allowed me to return to working in the field of software development when I moved to Dublin to be with her and after my mother was provided with home help care.

Upon moving to Dublin I made a big mistake - I took the first job tht was offered to me. To be fair I did see some of the warning signs early on, the interviewers wore t-shirts and were very evasive about what the company did. But my main concern was getting established in Dublin. So what if the company looked a bit dodgy and salary was low? I could move on once I had settled in to my new Dublin life.

It is always bad form to criticise your previous employers. Potential new employers really don’t like it. Unless you have won the lottery or perhaps a long lost rich uncle bequeaths you a fortune then it is always best to be nice about those who you have worked for in the past no matter how much it hurts you. That said, I still have to say that I hated that company. The first month was great, but it was all downhill after that. Software development can be stressful, but that is counteracted by the excitement and variety offered by working on the sort of stuff that geeks love. This company offered me nothing positive. I was demoralised by the lack of support, documentation, direction and a working computer! There came a point when I just had to leave. I had hoped to stay for a year, I lasted six months.

The day I handed in my resignation I felt great. It felt like a million pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that the overcast skies above me had cleared in an instant. I had no new job to go to and the economy was turning in the wrong direction, but I didn’t care. I felt that my health was suffering and I’d rather be happy and healthy than in a job I hated – regardless of the salary.

Quitting that job was fortuitous, A month after I quit I was visiting my mother and she had a seizure. I witnessed the whole thing and I have to be honest in saying it rather ‘freaked’ me out. I thought she was going to die in my arms. I was something of a gibbering wreck that night.

Now, as it turns out my mother had developed a type of epilepsy related to her original stroke. The seizure was serious, but not life threatening. Still, that was no comfort to me as she would have fallen had I not been present.

My mother’s second turn for the worse allowed me to take a few months out from my job hunt to look after her and make modifications to her home. Things are now looking up as she has home helps checking up on her several times a day and I can rest easy in Dublin.

My mother’s second turn did have a negative impact on my job hunting. When I explain the extended break in my career is down to a family emergency, a lot of employers ask me if I can be sure it won’t happen again. Obviously, they don’t understand that for some people family comes first. To be truthful I don’t think I will have any further problems, the NHS is looking after my mother and I can relax safe in that knowledge. But my decision to take time away from my job hunting in order to help did cause me a few problems. Luckily it wasn’t all that bad, I got a great job which I love a few weeks laster.

This post is all about why you shouldn’t harbour regrets. During the last few years I have made some mistakes and bad decisions, but I don’t care. For example, when my mother had her first stroke Network Rail offered to let me take a few months off, but I resigned instead. When I moved to Dublin I took a job I didn’t like and against my better judgement. Still, I have no regrets.

I look to the future, not the past. I don’t look upon my mistakes as things to regret, instead I see them as learning experiences. For example I will think twice before accepting a job offer in he future. And as for taking time off to help my mother. if a potential employer doesn’t like that I did that, then maybe that is the sort of company I really don’t want to work for. A gentleman should care for those in need, before worrying about career and generating wealth.

Don’t see your mistakes as something to regret, see them as lessons. Change how you do things in the future based on what you have learned in the past. That way life will be just a little bit more positive.

Let’s face we are all guilty of it at some point or another. The question is how can we avoid falling prey to its deliciously lazy charms and keep productive?

The first thing is to determine if your current bout of procrastination is specific to your current task or job, or if it is more of a long term habit that plagues all tasks you undertake.

If you find that your procrastination is specific to your current task or job then dealing with it is relatively straightforward. Ask yourself what is it that stops you from just getting on with the task or job in hand. The reasons for this can be varied, allow me to give you a few examples…

• The task is too hard
• The task is too boring or easy
• You get no thanks for working hard
• You don’t feel motivated in your job
• There are too many distractions
• You hate your job

All the above issues can be addressed to some extent. For example if your task is too hard and you dread working on it, don’t be afraid to discuss it with your superior. They should be able to give you the help and encouragement you need. The same goes for many of the other examples mentioned above, although perhaps not the last one. If you hate your job, don’t be afraid to see what is available on the job market and move on to something better.

If your procrastination is caused by a current situation, it is important to not let it stress you out. It’s easy to find yourself procrastinating and then feeling worried and stressed as a result. For example, you might be worrying about what the boss will say when he sees that you aren’t getting your work done on time. So long as you recognise what is going on and make an effort to rectify the problems causing your procrastination early on, then things should improve. The longer you leave it, the more stressed out you will become.

However, if your procrastination is habitual then dealing with it is a bit more difficult.

Unlike procrastination caused by current problems, habitual procrastinators don’t get stressed by their lazy attitude to getting things done. If it causes a major problem they just shrug it off and move on. If you find yourself habitually procrastinating, then you need a lesson in self-control.

Such a lesson goes beyond the scope of a single blog post, but there are some strategies and tips I can recommend in order to help you get things done.

Get a diary - Plan everything you need to do, but spread it out over a period of time much longer than what you think you need. You need to include padding either side of your tasks to give you time to engage in some relaxation so that you can ease yourself out of your procrastinating habits.

Block distractions - Procrastination is often caused by being faced with two choices, work and something a bit more pleasurable such as chatting with colleagues or surfing the internet. Removing the more pleasurable choice by either hiding away from it or asking people to leave you alone for a while can help you complete your work.

Get a designated nagger - There is no better way to make sure you get something done than by getting someone to nag you to do it. Preferably this will be someone who is not a procrastinator themselves. Ask a friend, colleague or partner to nag you when a task should be started, they may also be instructed to give your a good firm kick if you refuse. This strategy is surprisingly effective.

Just start the task - For many procrastinators the hardest part is getting a task started. If you throw yourself in to a task head first, you might just find yourself following through and getting it finished.

I hope the above advice proves useful. I might be looking at the topic of procrastination some more in the coming weeks (if I get round to it!). If you have any tips of your own to add, please feel free to add a comment.

But there are so many positive benefits to joining a club and I’m not talking about gentlemens clubs or rich businessmens clubs.

Clubs can give you a chance to indulge a hobby or a passion and to learn new things, something I feel all gentlemen should engage in. There are clubs devoted to all sorts of interests and pastimes, covering everything from amateur radio, through to woodwork and cooking. If you’ve always been meaning to learn a new skill and don’t fancy going to a formal class, then a club is the perfect alternative.

Another benefit of joining a club is the social aspect. All clubs have a social element, so you will get to make new friends and maybe even have a chance to network (if that’s your thing).

Joining a club also adds a bit of extra ’scenery’ to your life. If you’ve settled in the same old weekly routine and aren’t being productive in the evenings when you get home from work, then being in a club is just the ticket to help you enact a change.

Clubs are a great way to do something enjoyable and productive. If you want to break a boring weekly routine or just try something new, then I’d definitely reccomend joining one.

Yes, we are the dominant species on the planet, but our appendages are pretty limited in what they can do. We are pretty much limited to holding, poking and prodding. Anything else requires the use of a tool of some sort.

Of all the tools we have at our disposal I think the good old pen knife is one of the most useful. There are so many tasks we encounter on a daily basis that can be made so much easier and enjoyable by using a pen knife.

• Opening Boxes and Letters.
• Cutting food such as an apple or an orange.
• Making a sandwich.
• Cutting rope and cord.
• Using the blade (carefully!) as rudimentary screwdriver.
• Stripping wire (again, carefully!)
• And lots of other uses that may not be immediately apparent.

The man who carries a knife is a man who is better preapred to deal with whatever life throws at him.

What Kind of Knife to Get?

If you love simplicity the bog standard pen knife may suit you best. It’s simple and does a great job of dividing chunks of matter in to smaller chunks.

Swiss Army knifes are my personal favourite. Made by two different companies (that have the same owner) Victorinox and Wenger. There is lttle difference between the two brands, both have similar ranges and the quality of each companies products are top knotch. Swiss Army kives can be simple affairs with just a sigle blade throught to huge lumps of monstrous complexity with over 100 blades and tools. If you want to carry a screwdriver, bottle opener or some other type of tool with you as well as a knife, then a Swiss Army knife is the perfect choice.

The Victorinox Cybertool - My Knife of Choice

Leatherman tools are an interesting variation on the Swiss Army kife concept. They are actually pliers with what looks like a Swiss Army knife hidden in the handle. If you need to carry a set of pliers with you then they may be the thing you need. The downside is that they are quite bulky and aren’t really suited to being carried in your trouser pocket. Instead they are usually carried in a pouch that you would attach to your belt.

A Leatherman Tool

One thing to remember when buying a knife is that cheap knives are rubbish. The steel will distort and be difficult to keep sharp. Plus they could disintegrate when you use them, possibly causing serious injury. The price difference between low and good quality knives isn’t much, so don’t waste your money on something cheap - you will regret it.

Also worth bearing in mind is that knifes with bigger blades or auto-opening mechanisms may be illegal in some jurisdictions so please make sure you are within the law if you do carry such a knife!

Knife Care

You should keep you knife sharp at all times. A blunt blade can be dangerous as you will end up struggling to cut things. If you slip the blunt blade will still cut through you, seeing as your outsides are rather soft.

If you get your knife wet, dry it immediately to prevent rusting. Even the best quality knifes will rust if not cared for.

When you purchase your knife you should also buy a sharpening stone and follow the instructions carefully. This will help ensure you knife reamains in tip-top condition.

Politicians are notorious for carefully choosing their ties in order to attempt to influence voters. A politician who wants to be seen as environmentally friendly will often wear a green tie. Likewise a politician trying to prove a socialist bent will wear a red tie.

Ties are a prominent item of clothing and are often one of the first things noticed when meeting someone. Knowingly or otherwise we use a persons tie as a means to judge them, their status and their character.

Knowing how to properly wear a tie can have a significant influence on how people view and judge you. A well tied tie that matches your outfit can show people that you are a gentleman who cares about how he dresses, right down to the smallest details. In this article I will discuss how to make you can wear your ties with pizazz and style.

“An old suit, a battered hat, a perfect tie, and a good collar, that’s what makes a well dressed man” - Baron de Meyer

Tie Materials

• Silk - The material that most quality ties are made from. Silk is expensive, but it has a beautiful sheen and it flows fluidly. It holds knots well and is fairly easy to maintain. The fine width of silk fibres also makes it very suitable for weaving in to elaborate patters and styles.
• Wool - Wool ties can be made in various styles ranging from fine weaves that feel like regular suit material, through to chunky knitted ones that look more like the material you would find in a thick jumper. Unlike silk, wool is not conducive to being woven in to intricate or elaborate patterns. So wool ties tend to be made in single colors or very simple patterns such as speckling.
• Tweed - Although tweed is a form of wool, it is so different from regular wool I will list it separately. Tweed ties are very thick and rustic. They will be made in patterns similar to that which you find in a tweed suit.
• Polyester - Yuck! Polyester ties may look like silk from a distance, but up close they fool no one. Polyester ties are slippy and don’t take knots very well, a well tied knot will start to slip after an hours or two of wear.

Tie Styles

• Size and Length - Despite what you mey think, not all ties are the same size. All ties vary in length and width. The tie should be long enough so that its bottom sits just above your waist. Its width should relate to the width of your shoulders, the wider your shoulder are the wider your tie should be. Just remember not to go too far, the variation in tie widths is subtle. If you can try on the tie before purchase I would recommended it.
• Plain - You can’t go wrong with a plain tie. Just remember to match the colour of your tie to the rest of your outfit. Generally darker ties match darker outfits and vice versa, but there are exceptions such as red and green ties go well with dark blue suits and blazers.
• Diagonal Stripes - A very conservative style that indicates the person is mature, sensible and restrained. Darker or subdued colours work best. Brightly coloured stripes are best matched with flashy ungentlemanly suits.One word of warning about this tie style. Many schools, clubs and military units choose ties with diagonal stripes as their special tie. If you plan to mix in high-society be careful not to wear such ties if you aren’t entitled to do so as embarrassment may result.
• Spots/Polka Dots - I have always regarded spotty ties as ‘happy’ ties, something to be worn when you feel great. Like the advice for other tie style I mentioned the dominant colour of the tie should match the colour of you other clothes, but there should also be a clear contrast between the color of the spots and the background.
• Paisley - Some say the paisley pattern goes with nothing, I beg to differ. So long as the particular paisley pattern you have chosen isn’t too loud then an outfit with a paisley tie can look rather refined.
• Horizontal Stripes - I find this pattern to be the hardest to match up with an outfit. A suit is made up from lines that are nearly vertical, e.g. the lapels and arms etc. A tie with horizontal lines clashes with this. In my experience, horizontal line ties go best with dark suits.
• Patterns - Pattens can be dangerous. Sometimes bold, bright patterns can work brilliantly, but sometimes they look terrible. As a rule of thumb I would advise simple patterns are usually safer than bold ones.
• Wool and Tweed - Generally these go best with country wear such as tweed and rustic v-neck jumpers. However, the smoother wool ties can be used as substitute for silk ties when worn with a business suit.
• Bow Ties - Although fewer people wear a bow tie these days, they are still being made. I own several and wear them occasionally. I will write about bow ties in more detail in a future article.
• Novelty - Keep them for special occasions and parties!

Ties You Should Own

There are certain ties you should have in your collection. At the very least you should have one tie for each working day so that you have a bit of variety to choose from. A mix of plain, diagonally striped and patterned ties works well. You should also own a plain black tie and hope that you never need to use it, plus a black bow-tie for dinner parties and functions may also come in handy.

Using the Tie for Influence

As I mentioned at the start of this article you choice of tie can influence how other people perceive and judge you. So how do you do this? You simply have to extend the normal guidelines for influencing people to your clothes.

“A well tied tie is the first serious step in life” - Oscar Wilde

One of the best ways to influence someone is to mirror them. Mirror their movements, their speech and their appearance. This doesn’t mean copying them directly, they will notice and think you are taking the mick. What it means is adopting their mannerisms for yourself. If they talk slow, you should change your rate of speech to match. If they sit casually, so should you. The same applies to clothing. If they are a traditional conservative person then a conservative diagonally striped tie might help in winning them over. If they are a happy, jokey sort of person then a bright polka dotted tie might be just the ticket.

Your clothing is as much a form of communication as your voice is.

Tie Knots

There are more tie knots than just the four-in-hand! Two other popular tie knots are the full and half Windsor knots, so named after the Duke of Windsor. These knots are wider and more symmetrical than the four-in-hand that most people use.

A wider tie knot may suit some people better than a four-in-hand, particularly if they have wider shoulders. Experimenting with different tie knots to find one that suits you is most definitely worthwhile.

The Full-Windsor Knot

The Half-Windsor Knot

The Dimple

A dimple is a little finishing touch that adds a bit of finesse and luxury to the look of a finished tie knot. Making a dimple isn’t difficult, but you might need to practice a few times to master it.

Creating the dimple is easy. Just before you pull your tie knot tight, pinch the tie with your thumb and forefinger in to a “W” shape. While maintaining this pinch pull the tie tight slowly, while adjusting your pinch up or down in order to maintain the dimple shape.

“Neckties satisfy modern man’s desire to dress in art” - Harry Anderson - magician/actor

I will write more about tie knots in another post. If you want to know more about the 85 possible ways there are to tie a necktie, I recommended the fascinating book “The 85 Ways to Tie a Tie” by Thomas Fink and Yong Mao.

Tie Care

All type of ties are easily damaged if not properly cared for. Ties can be expensive investments so it makes sense to look after them properly so that they give you many years of service.

When removing the tie after wearing it you should undo the knot first in order to prevent stretching it. Silk ties should be hung up on a proper tie hanger when not being worn. Hanging them will remove and wrinkles and creases that have formed. Such hangers are reasonably priced and can be found in most department stores. If the ties has tough wrinkles that hanging won’t remove then you can try rolling the tie up overnight. If that still does not work then you can resort to steaming the tie and that will remove even the most tough wrinkles.

Do not iron the tie! Ironing the tie will flatten it and make it look like a sheet of cardboard, it will also remove the sheen. Stick to steaming as the only method to remove stubborn wrinkles from a tie.

Wool and tweed ties should be stored rolled up, hanging them will cause them to stretch and lose their shape. The advice for removing wrinkles in silk ties applies to these types of tie as well.

“A stately neck is manhood’s manliest part” - Oliver Wendal Holmes - American Supreme Court Justice

Ties can be difficult to clean. They should never be washed in a washing machine as this will ruin their shape and damage the sheen. Brushing them with a soft brush will remove most dirt from them. You can attempt to remove small stains by softly rubbing the stain using a damp rag and a mild detergent. However, if the stain is stubborn you may have to resort to using the services of a dry cleaner. If so, make sure they will look after the tie and will not press it using an iron.

Anger is an emotional state caused by a person feeling wronged or by being placed in to a situation where they may feel trapped or restricted in some way and where they want a quick solution to the problem which they think they may not receive unless they act in an aggressive or forceful manner.

Anger is a normal human emotion, it is something built in to our genes. Many scientists see it as something we inherited from our ancestors. What they used as a mechanism to warn away external threats such as enemies or dangerous animals has now become the emotion we know as anger. Given that is an emotion that came about because of life-or-death situations it is not surprising that anger can take complete control of you when you experience it. Very few emotions can prevent rational thought in the same way anger does. Felling anger when you are wronged is perfectly fine, what matters is controlling how you react when you have those feelings.

The Stages of Anger

To control anger you need to understand it. As I see it it anger has three distinct stages:

1. Feeling wronged. This is where you are aware that something bad has happened to you and the feelings of hatred, anger and possibly rage start to build up inside you.
2. The Warning Signs. This is where you display physical signs of your anger as a warning to others. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors may have started shouting or taking up an attacking pose. We would more likely demonstrate this by raising our voices, standing more upright, having an increased heart-rate, reddening skin and by moving in a more jerky manner. Some people might even go further by taking on an aggressive stance or by swearing excessively. Even though you may not not know it many warning signs are involuntary such as an increased rate of breathing and jerky movements. Even if you are not aware of these, those you are with will and may feel threatened by them.
3. The Attack. This is where anger goes too far and you actually attack someone or something. The attack may be physical or verbal or it could be something along the lines of sending an ill-conceived letter with content that is intended to offend and provoke a responce.

Naturally, if you feel anger you never want to get to stage 2. It is much better to feel the anger and then try to regain your rational thought in order to seek a resolution to your problem through sensible non-aggressive means.

What happens at stage 2 is what makes anger the surefire way to prevent you from resolving your problem. Anger is an aggressive emotion, it scares and intimidates people. Faced with an angry person most people will feel fear and put up barriers, possibly refusing to interact with them anymore. If you are trying to resolve a dispute with a business, getting angry with the appointed representative will only serve to intimidate them and possibly cause the business to refuse to have anything to do with you.

Long term friendships, relationships and even marriages can be destroyed by a bout of anger. If you develop a reputation for having a short fuse and getting angry easily then people will be wary of you. If you are normally a pleasant, rational person who gets angry over something unusual or trivial people may start to think you might have ‘issues’ or that you have been hiding your true emotions for a long time.

The biggest danger of all is feeling a desire to strike out at something, or someone. Anger gives you a lot of negative energy that has to be got rid of somehow. Sadly, some people do so by breaking things or attacking someone. I’m sure you will agree it is much better to control a bout of anger before this happens.

The nicest person on earth can appear like evil personified if they let anger take control of them.

How To Control Anger Before You Get to Stage 2

One way to look at anger is to think of two conflicting thought processes, rational and angry, fighting against each other for control of your mind. The angry thought process can overpower the rational one because it has a few tricks at it’s disposal. It can cause your body to release adrenaline which gives you a feeling of invincibility (making the anger actually feel good) and can also restrict your senses in such a way that you become focused on the problem and where you fail to notice environmental stimuli such as other people speaking. Rational thoughts don’t affect your body in quite the same way. Therefore the trick to overcoming anger is to make sure your rational thought processes don’t get overpowered by the angry ones.

Acknowledge Anger as Something You Can Control - If you feel angry the first thing you should do is acknowledge it and remind yourself it is just an emotion which you can control. Think “I’m bloody angry and I’m going to sort this problem out once I feel better” instead of “I hate you, you made a mess of my account”. By blaming and hating others you will only make yourself more angry as you are thinking about the negatives. Thinking about yourself and how you can control the situation will help you keep control of your anger.

Counting to Ten - The old advice of counting to ten still applies. Counting to ten is a rational thought process that takes your mind away from angry thoughts and can give you a chance to think about the consequences of getting too angry.

Think About the Consequences - If you do let your anger go too far, what might happen? If you are dealing with a business, they could refuse to speak to you. If it is a personal matter could you lose a friend. What about work matters, could an angry blow-out affect your reputation, get you a reprimand or possibly worse?

Think About Alternative Ways to Vent - It might seem like a good idea to give off angrily to a counter clerk in the bank that messed up you account, but there are better more satisfying ways to go about it. A well written complaint letter for example, or maybe a posting to one of the many consumer review websites that now exist. Taking your time to resolve problems and irritations usually gets you better results and more satisfaction than by getting angry.

Ask “Is it Worth it?” - There are plenty of little irritations in life that can get us really angry, but which we can do little about. Things like getting cut up at a junction whilst driving. It may anger you, but what can be done? You’ll probably never see that driver again. Maybe it would be better to just brush it off and get on with life?

Do Something Pleasurable or Diverting - If you can’t shake off your angry feelings why not try something pleasurable to get you mind off the problem. Having a nice warm bath or enjoying a take-away meal can work wonders when you are feeling angry. You could also seek a mental diversion such as reading a book or watching a DVD or TV programme,

Don’t Get Drunk (no matter how good it feels) - Anger and alcohol make for a very dangerous combination!

Speak it Over - If all else fails why not speak about the anger causing issue with someone. Even if they cannot offer any help on resolving the problem, just speaking about it can help relieve you or you feelings of anger and frustration. A true gentleman would sooner admit his problems to a confidant, rather than let them get him angry.

To finish I will reiterate what I said earlier. Anger is just a natural emotion, albeit one that can take control of you and make you do things you might later regret. To control anger you must control yourself. Once you do that you will be able to deal with anger like a gentleman.

Very few of us are lucky enough to never have an issue with motivation. No matter how much try not to, there are times when we simply cannot bring ourselves to stand up and get things done. For most of us such motivational slumps are a occasional occurrence that we quickly overcome. For others a lack of motivation is a serious long-term issue that can negatively impact upon their lives and those of their family and loved ones.

The benefits of being motivated may seem obvious, you get things done and you feel good as a result. But there are several secondary benefits that you may not immediately be aware of. A person who is motivated and gets more things done will be less stressed and sleep better as a consequence. They will also be looked upon favourably by their peers and colleagues who will see that person as being reliable and trustworthy as they get things done. The disadvantages are plentiful and you probably don’t need me to tell you what they are are. Suffice to say that being unmotivated doesn’t make you look good and could hurt you or your family if you refused to tackle a long term motivational slump.

A lot has been written about how to get motivated. Everything from simple leaflets through to massive tomes. My take on it is that getting motivated isn’t difficult, in fact it is quite easy. All you need to know are a few simple things that you can do when you suffer a motivational slump. So without further ado, here they are…

Take Self Control - You should always be aware that you alone are responsible for how you feel. While it is true that other people can help you get you motivated, they aren’t going to be around to help you at the precise moment you need it. A true gentleman will take full repsonsibility for his own affairs and abilities.  If you are lacking motivation you will have to take control and motivate yourself.

Have Fewer Parallel Goals - Reducing the number of goals you are aiming for at once will help a lot in getting you motivated. Having too many goals at once can make you worry about being able to get them all done in time, which in turn has a massive impact on you motivational levels. Humans aren’t very good at multitasking, we like to focus on one thing at a time. Achieve one goal before moving on to the next.

But Still Set Goals - Goals are vitally important to getting motivated, prioritise the most important goals in your life, intermixed with some easy to achieve ones. Accomplishment breeds motivation, so the more goals you achieve the more motivated you will be.

Tell People What Your Goals Are - Tell people about your goals and how much time you expect it to take to achieve them. It’s easier to get motivated when you want to avoid losing face to those who know about your plans. People will respect you more as a gentleman if you keep to your word.

Think About Your Goals - The more you think about achieving something the more likely it is that you will succeed. Keep a diary about your goal and perhaps regularly research your plans. Places notes and images around your desk so that you are constantly reminded about your goal. By doing these things you increase the chances that you will actually achieve your goal sooner rather than later.

Think Happy, Positive Thoughts - Try not to dwell on negative things, instead think positive and keep happy thoughts in your head. I’ll admit this is easier said than done, we tend to care more about bad things than good things. But at least making the effort to quash bad though can help in some little way. The fewer negative thoughts you have clouding your thinking the more likely you will be to get on with life and get things done.

Be Realistic - Only take on goals that you know you can achieve. Taking on tasks that you later learn were beyond your abilities cab be both demoralising and incredibly de-motivating. By all means take on tasks that challenge you and encourage you to learn new skills, but always remember to be realistic. Start off with simple tasks and then progress on to more difficult ones.

Manage Distractions - Some people would say that if you want to get anything done you should eliminate all distractions. I would say that is unrealistic. Instead I think it is better to accept that you will be distracted at some point, so therefore you should try to manage your distractions. An example of this is how I manage my time at work. If I am trying to complete a task I know that people will occasionally come to me with questions. I manage this by asking people to email me the question instead and I will respond in good time. I will then respond to those queries once I have a suitable break in my work. If you let distractions get in the way of your efforts to complete a task then your motivation levels will take a knock as your train of thought is derailed and you are forced to take longer to complete the task in hand.

Get Excited - There’s no better way to give yourself a quick motivational burst than to get excited about something. If you can’t manage it by yourself then  why not go and talk to someone about it and get them to help you get excited. Try thinking about all the great things that may result from achieving your goal, that’ll should help you get you excited.

Think About The Consequences - Let’s face it there are some tasks we really cannot be bothered to do. Everyday employment springs to mind. If you can’t get excited about the task in hand and if any of the other methods I mention fail to work than I would suggest thinking about the negative consequences of failure. How many people have you heard mention that they hate their jobs, but keep doing them for the benefit of their families? It’s that sort of thing I am referring to.

Get Support - There’s no harm in asking friends and family to give you help and support in order to get motivated to achieve a goal. They can give you gentle encouragement or if necessary a good kick up the jacksie to get you going.

Accept that You Can’t Always be Motivated - No matter how hard we try we can never be motivated 100% of the time, so just accept this. There will be times you just can’t be bothered to do something. Just don’t let it get you down, given some time you’ll be raring to go again. We all have our motivational ups and downs.

If you have any motivational tips or stories of you own please feel free to leave a comment.

Only a few more months to wait before the next election campaign starts.

Humility is the opposite of all that. A person who practices humility, or as it is more commonly known humbleness, does not believe they are better than others and will not actively seek praise or congratulations. A humble man knows exactly what his capabilities are and will not try to imply that he is any better. Nor will a humble man let arrogant pride get in the way of completing his tasks.

Modern society makes it hard for a gentleman to be humble. We live in a competitive society where we have to market ourselves more and more in order to get the best jobs or rewards. When we achieve something at work we feel inclined to brag about it just a bit. Even outside of work we feel compelled to boast or show superiority in some way, perhaps by showing off expensive possessions or property.

The problem with boasting, showing off and ego stroking is that all it does is breed contempt and hatred towards you. It also fuels never-ending silent conflicts where we constantly try to outdo each other. This isn’t helped by the fact that we all like to show off now and again, but hate it when other people do the same.

Practicing humility in your everyday life will help you have better relationships with your peers and maintain better friendships.

Here are a few ways you can be more humble in how you live your life…

Give Credit Where it is Due - If someone achieves something, no matter how trivial, give your thanks and appreciation. Don’t go overboard though, a simple ‘Thanks!’ is usually sufficient for most things. We all like to have our efforts acknowledged and such expressions of gratitude could make someone’s day.

Don’t Try to Keep up with the Joneses - ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ is a phrase popular in the UK that refers to some people’s desire to keep up with or exceed their contemporaries using material goods, wealth or their social class as benchmarks. A practical example of this is someone mentioning that they have a 20GB iPod only for someone else to immediately retort that they have an 80GB iPod. In situation like this the person who made the retort about their bigger and better iPod will only be viewed as a complete arse. If you find yourself in a similar situation don’t be tempted to brag about how you or your possessions are better, no one really cares or if they do they might end up resenting you for having something they desire but cannot get. A gentleman should feel no need to brag about his possessions or wealth.

Don’t Imply That Your Life is Better Than Others - If you know famous or powerful people try not mention that fact if there is no reason to. In other words don’t name drop. Likewise, if you have had special or unusual life experiences don’t feel the need to share them with others unless you have a good reason. Don’t try to be the centre of attention by retelling such tales, people won’t like you for it. Isn’t it better to be viewed as a gentleman rather than a bragger who seeks to be the centre of attention?

Don’t Fake Humility - If you are going to be humble, do so honestly. How many times have you seen someone complete a difficult or challenging task and then say “Oh thanks, it was easy” when being congratulated? It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? Someone who says such a thing is actually saying “Even though this task was difficult, I am going to say it was easy because I want you to think I’m just so brilliant”. If you have completed a difficult task take the congratulations in good grace and don’t try to imply that it was any easier than it was.

Never Take Someone Else’s Credit - We’ve all had experience of a situation where you completed a task only to have someone else take or share the credit for all your work. It’s not a very nice feeling. So it goes without saying that no gentleman would ever do such a thing.

Don’t Claim Wisdom You Don’t Possess - I once worked with a fellow who claimed that he was an expert in database management, as a result of these claims he was given the task of setting up a database server that would be used as part of a large government contract. The problem was he didn’t know how to manage a database at all. So after taking too long to get the job done he was relieved of that particular task. Although he could do his core job properly (coding) he had embellished his skill set by claiming he had database management skills. He kept his job, but his reputation was permanently tarnished. If you claim to be capable of something you aren’t you will be seen as a boaster and your lies will come back to haunt you the day you are called upon to use those skills.

Don’t Be a Robot - If you give praise, give considered praise. Don’t just say the same thing you always do. Show that you care about the thing you are giving praise for by commenting on how it was done or achieved. Praise is better appreciated when you show that you really care.

Do Good Deeds Anonymously - When someone rich or famous announces a big donation to charity they are probably doing so to make themselves look good in the eyes of the public. If you choose to give to charity or something similar do so anonymously without the expectation of receiving thanks or praise. Giving to charity with the expectation or receiving thanks or praise in return is not being charitable.

Don’t Make a Big Deal about Getting Something Done - A humble gent will do all that is expected of him without making a big deal or celebrating when he achieves his goal. People appreciate people who just get things done with the minimum of fuss, that is the gentlemanly way.

Don’t Let Your Pride Get in the Way - Pride is the biggest enemy of humility. We are all guilty of worrying about what people think of us and many times we will refuse to do something because we fear it will negatively impact on what we perceive to be our ‘image’. I know people with degrees who could not find a job in their chosen field, but would refuse to take a job in a shop because their pride got in the way. What matters most in life is not shying away from getting things done and providing for you and your family, too much pride will get in the way of this.

To finish I will say that I do strongly believe that if the people of the world exercised a bit more humility then the world would be a much better place. Too much pride gets in the way of peace.

Recently I got married to a wonderful American named Jennifer. For a Irish lad who grew up in the UK it was quite an experience getting married in the states. One of stateside traditions I loved was the concept of a Grooms cake, something that just doesn’t happen this side of the pond.

When I was asked what I wanted my grooms cake to take the form of, I wondered. Should it be a rugby ball (I play rugby), should it be a top hat (I love the 30s) or should it be a Whisky bottle (yep, I like Whisky). No, it wouldn’t be none of those, it would be in the form of a BBC Microcomputer, the classic British computer that taught a generation of 1980s kids how to program in BASIC.

So here it is…

Pretty nifty, eh? Peanut butter and chocolate, yummy!

For comparison, here is the ‘regular’ wedding cake…

Just a cake.

Thanks to Joelle for putting up with my ranting about how great the BBC Micro was and for baking such a tasty and beautiful cake. And further apologies to the assembled guests who seemed a bit bewildered by my geekish ramblings, trust me Elite was really good.

*In the sense that is has nothing to do with the main content of this site.